i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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