Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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