OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
