Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who died my cat blue again?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
