So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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