i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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