I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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