she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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