Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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