Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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