i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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