dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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