So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
