I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
