She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
