puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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