Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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