Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
