I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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