i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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