it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
