i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
