I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
