My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
