Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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