I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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