He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
