We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
