i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
