East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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