I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
