I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
