Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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