ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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