A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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