so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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