I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
