my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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