twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
