you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
