Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
