I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
