He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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