Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
