gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
