1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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