My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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