people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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