You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
