How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
