just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
