it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
