my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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