My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
