just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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