I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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