I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
