I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
