He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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